Welcome to MWRM

Hey guys it's Morgan here with my first blog post. I thought a lot about what I wanted my first post to be about and I decided that I want to talk about relationships. I don't have a great grasp on what romantic relationships are supposed to look like, but I do have a pretty clear idea of what they aren't supposed to look like.

My Love Life

My last "real" relationship ended a little over two years ago. In the winter of my senior year in high school I met a guy that was a year and a half younger than me. When I first met him I had tried to set him up with my younger sister because I just wanted to be friends. He kept flirting and eventually I decided to give the guy a chance and we dated for a few months. The relationship wasn't great, I really don't think either of us liked each other, it was really just convenient at the time. I found out a year after we had broken up that he was cheating on me the whole relationship with one of my closest friends. That girl and I are still very close friends, I love her dearly. I eventually realized that I had no reason to be mad about this, I knew that in the past he had cheated on his ex-girlfriend, why would I have been different? We were two very different people, struggling with very different things in life at the time and in all fairness, I would be lying if I said that I didn't cheat too. Now, I do not agree with cheating, it is a terrible thing to do to someone who truly cares about you. If you are at a point in your relationship where you feel like you would cheat, just break up, it makes things much easier in the long run. After this relationship, I immediately jumped into a situationship with a 5'7" lacrosse playing pot head who led me on for months. He had made me believe that he actually wanted to be with me so he could then sleep with me a few times just to pretend like I didn't exist. We only hung out at times when it was convenient to him. When we were together it was just sex (in his room only, never mine). If we were hanging out with our friends he wouldn't talk to me. Looking back at our messages, everything was about sex too when I was really convinced at the time that he actually liked me for me. It took me two years to get over this boy because I was so wrapped up in the fact that "once upon a time what we had was good". My roommate spent so long trying to convince me that the longer I waited around for him, the easier it was for him to use me but I wouldn't listen.

Last winter, I started hanging out with a new guy. I did not like him at all and he was far from my typical type (he was older than me with no motivation for anything in life) but everyone told me to give him a chance so I convinced myself that I did like him. However, I just wanted to be friends who slept together every once in a while. What's a little meaningless sex right? He was all wrong for me but I continued to talk to him for a few months until the previous situationship came back into the picture. I had invited him over to talk about my feelings for him and all he wanted was sex. I remember telling him that I couldn't sleep with him because he only wanted me then and I wanted him always. He ended up leaving right after that and I was devastated but it was the right thing to do. Never, ever, compromise your mental health, your sanity, or yourself for a man who has never put you above anything in his life. After this I stopped talking to both of the boys. I spent a few months on my own, enjoying my own solitude, as I do so well. In fact, being single with no prospects is one of my favorite things in life. However, my best memory from this past summer was the day that I met a military man. It was August 3rd, I was at work when I received a text message from the boy I was talking to in the winter but wasn't really interested in. He had invited me over for some drinks and my favorite movie and if you know me, I cannot refuse a drink or When Harry Met Sally. I reluctantly went over to his house after work but laid down the law as soon as I got there: I DID NOT WANT TO SLEEP WITH HIM AGAIN. I thought that maybe we would be able to hang out and just be friends. I was wrong. He kept trying to make moves and I just wasn't having it. I asked him to go for a walk and his lazy ass asked to go back after five minutes (red flag). I'm not sure if he was actually just really lazy or if he just didn't want to be seen with me on the streets. Maybe a mix of both. After the movie I decided that I did not want to be there anymore so I called my guy best friend and asked what he was doing and if I could join. When he found out who I was with he immediately told me where to go and we met up with his friend, the military man. I didn't talk to him much while we were all hanging out but I knew that he was cute and he checked all of the boxes.

My Requirements for Men

1. short king

2. lacrosse player

3. mustache

4. country music fan

5. younger than me

When I was leaving that night I had made a joke telling him that I would see him tomorrow and I guess he took that as a "I am actually going to see this girl tomorrow". He added me on SnapChat and for four days he asked me to hang out. On that Thursday at 11 PM I finally went over to his house. I was freshly shaven ready for another one night stand to add to the books. I was at his house until 4:30 AM sitting there completely starstruck. I have never been in real love before but I knew that given the right amount of time with this man I could have been. The first thirty minutes of me being there, he only talked to his best friend who was also there (he was living at the house with him). I was so confused and I just wanted to leave at that point but then he asked if I wanted to go upstairs and watch a movie. So we did, we sat on his bed talking for hours about everything under the sun and it turned out that we had a lot in common. I had mentioned that I had just bought a harmonica and I was going to learn how to play it as my party trick. He looked at me and said "That's weird why would anyone do that?" then proceeded to get up, grab his three harmonicas, and start playing. I was in absolute shock, it had felt like this man whom I had just met understood me better than I understood myself. He played me guitar, showed me his music collection (which was absolutely phenomenal), and he didn't even attempt to sleep with me. After that night, we had hung out every single day for the last month of summer before I went back to school. I was falling for him and I had no idea how he felt about me. I had planned to ask him what his intentions were the third time we hung out but I was so overcome by fear that I never came around to asking (big mistake). Pro tip: If you are hanging out with a guy that you really like by the third date, ALWAYS ask him what he wants out of the relationship and what his intentions are. This will save you a lot of pain and a lot of guessing in the future, trust me. Once I went back to school we stopped talking (well more like he stopped talking to me but who cares about the real facts?). I took this as a sign that he wasn't my person even though I so badly wanted him to be. He was just a lesson, someone the universe had sent to show me that there are actually boys out there who will treat me like I am worth something. There will be boys who finally want to hang out with me outside of their own homes. There will be boys who will willingly meet my parents and actually make a good impression on them when they do. There will be boys who introduce me to their friends on purpose. There will be boys who aren't afraid to be seen with me in a public setting in broad daylight. This man had done all of these for me and helped me realize that it is possible for someone to want to be with me for the right reasons. I still think about him every single day, I had set my bar extremely low for the previous boys and if they couldn't reach it, I would continue to lower it. After this man, my bar was raised much higher and when I go to meet new men, he will be the standard they are required to meet or even exceed.

Overall Lesson